My mom and Julie reallly reallly want me to blog, and post something, and this is a long time coming I think, but here is where I stand...

I kinda created this site during a pretty rough time for three reasons, to get my feelings out, to be comical, and to share my music.

My music and I have kinda become not so sharetastical. I finally know what I do and dont wanna do with my music,and this is in the dont category. As far as writing goes, its all for Julie these days, and she gets it, so I dont feel the need to really post it.

My comical stuff, Facebook works just as well.

Wrapping up my "life" threads: Thats a tricky one, but Ive been content, theres not much to say really other than to finalize the issues Ive always had on here. Julie has become my world, and I have become hers...Not too much exists outside of that world. And were best friends, which means, on my worst days Ive been experiencing something with a best friend and a lover to talk to, and not only does she get every single piece of me, I then have all my friends finally lined out the way I want to share select stuff with. There is just simply not much to write about but happiness and thats easier to share with her than blog about basically. All the friends we now surround ourselves with love and respect our relationship, it took my family mere minutes to be around us at graduation/dinner to see they were wrong, and fuck everyone else basically. I needed this a lot to deal with anger/frustration in the way people saw us but now it just doesnt matter what they say. We know shes going to change, everyone changes, Ill change..but ya know what, we both could not pick a better other person to grow and change with. We know I was gonna have to leave for awhile, we've gotten stronger, and even better at being best friends and talking, everyone was so worried about if we'd make it cuz its so hard...Its sad, and depressing being away from each other, and missing each others kiss so bad, but its not hard. We talk every second of every moment we have outside of sleep, we have countdowns, emails, letters..This has not put a single strain on our relationship we couldnt handle with absolutely no problem. And her family..yess..her family-that sux, no lie. Ive never been truly hated like that..but Ill fight, I have fought, and I will continue to fight and so will she. Ive learnt, they dont have to like me, and they can hate me..but Ill be there for my girlfriend the way she was for me and mine if thats what she wants..and it is. Those were my issues, Julie and have solved them.

I dunno, I still get down sometimes..but overall Im just beyond happy with my life. And I can see in Julie's eyes Im as much her world as she is mine and thats all that matters to me...to us. And like I said, everyone is right, she will change, so will I. But we will change together,and we will grow together, Ive never been so confident of that in my life. My family is confident of that, I have "family" that is confident of that, and we have Morgan and TC and others... everyone that spends decent time with us can see and tell that and Im so grateful for everything and everyone of them. And even the people who do have doubts or reservations we choose to associate ourselves with respect and support our relationship. Im especially grateful for Burke, Dana, and Ryan who even tho have understandable reasons/concerns/doubts have been awesome in supporting Julie and I, and our relationship so far. I admire and love all three of them so much for feeling the way they do and still being the friends they are for Julie and I and I dont think I could ever say how much that means to me. Everyone else that didnt fit into that category, and theres a looot, Julie and I have distanced ourselves from or completely gotten rid of all together.

All in all, my purposes for this blog, and things I often spoke/bitched/ranted about have all come to a conclusion, a very happy and blissful one. Im very grateful for what it got me through, and everyone who read it. Itll still be around cuz I use the hosting for a barage of other things, but this except for maybe an occasional poem or two shall be my farewell to the blog.

Goodbye, and Goodnight

I feel like I need some school work to do, I keep constantly feeling these moments of panic where I feel like Im forgetting to do something now that schools over x_x.

Julie met my grandma today...nerve.wrecking. but it went really well!! for everyone. Im really glad she went. and my dad said grandma liked her soo, success!! I cant believe graduation is next Sunday already. May is in no hurry to take its time passing by!! I thought about allowing comments again..but..I kinda like this journal thing for the moment lol

Hope everyone is doing well! If anyone still reads this thing anyways.

I havent really been sharing a lot of my music..at all really, cuz I think Ive kinda hit a stage where sharing it just makes it disappointing and Ive hit the stage in all three main instruments I play that Im not going to get any better at creating music with them, yes playing I will surely, but my creation with them has plateaued and it simply isn't good enough, and tho I have a very loyal 3 person strong fan base for my music, a mom, girlfriend, and best friend isnt the huge base I shot for. Not saying I dont appreciate it...but Matt Heafy once said in an interview about their demo cd..with songs, they separated their loved ones bias and critiquing by whether they ever listened to a song twice. Which is what I've always based mine on cuz that concept to me is genius and made so much sense...I never hit that stage tho where people started listening to my songs more than once, which has created such a love/hate feeling towards my music and Ive always wanted to give up, especially towards the end of last year. I actually put every single piece of musical instrument I own on craigslist for 2000 dollars, even tho I have well around 5 grand of shit, but put on there I wasnt seperating it, someone had to take it all..but everyone wanted it broken up. I told a few ppl I just put my drums on there..I guess Im glad noone ever bought it, I quit reposting it around sometime in Jan. I feel like my music is just a let down constantly..I feel like everything is sometimes, and I am to everyone else.. and its the worst and no matter how hard I practice and I try, I cant do it. Matt's been playing for 13 years,  Ive gotten so good in 3 that even he admits Im better than him now..I can shred as fast as Trivium..I can play slipknot songs on drums..I can play a Bach song on piano..but I cant create something with it thats as good as those bands and I dont feel that I ever will. This is why Im an engineer...it works, its simple..numbers are numbers..and theres always a formula or a pattern, and something to create a concrete solution that works. Im ready to forget about my music and go on with life..I love making it and playing, hopefully always will...but Im hopefully done trying to be an artist..its not me, its not what I was born with..Im tired of being mediocre at best and everything I try and do...Im ready to be great at something and Ive wasted a ton of time and money trying to make it be a musician. Im ready to try something else, something I can do and be great at, I just dont know what that is yet :-\

So in good fashion..here is my last public piece of work, trying to explain that while Im done as an artist, Ill never give up on my music:

This Song

computerguru427
: if u want something done right...
ryUAn87
: mmhmm
computerguru427
: gotta hire a mexican..they have great work ethic
ryUAn87
: plus they're good at gardening.
computerguru427
: heat doesnt really ever bother them
ryUAn87
: always hydrated
computerguru427
: dont speak english so u dont have to deal with the drama of "listening" to their problems
ryUAn87
: or paying them the correct amount
computerguru427
: the exchange rate is great
ryUAn87
: you can never run out of them
computerguru427
: if you build them a guest house, it can have really small doors
ryUAn87
: which means you can also have short ceilings. creating a greater potential for multiple floors
computerguru427
: they eat really cheap too, u just gotta buy tortillas and have them get shit from the garden basically, very self sustaining
ryUAn87
: and if you tell them the Virgin Mary commands it, odds are they'll listen
computerguru427
: if u own multiple properties, no matter how many you own, you only need one vehicle, of any size, period.
ryUAn87
: and if that vehicle is a dodge neon... in a weeks time you'll have a sweet spoiler and olde english decals
.. totally complimentary. 7s ago Comment
computerguru427
: do they get haircuts? i dont even think they do
ryUAn87
: no. they're like short hair dogs. very little grooming is needed
computerguru427
: they dont have a real huge anti-racism agenda like some african americans, since they never had that whole slavery thing they are very open to interpretation on the subject

ryUAn87
: and besides Arizona. They aren't overly picky about where they live .
computerguru427
: 1 pair of jeans, 1 shirt, 1 old pair of boots, shopping done
ryUAn87
: amazing watch dogs. they'd rather take a robber out themselves than call the police.
an>ryUAn87 is available 
true 8s ago Comment
computerguru427
: I dont think you really even need health care on them, i dont think they get hurt
ryUAn87
: dental is unnecessary because they have no real reason to smile
computerguru427
: haha, *win*

Cuz everything has been simply perfect...I have nothing to say I guess...Id pretty much start a blog and end a blog with perfect. School's going great, Im pretty caught up, its almost over, most my final projects are over. Tommy/Justin and I have kinda worked through shit and are doing stuff weekly now that I've iron'ed my shit out and vice versa a bit on their end. Every single thing between Julie and I is simply amazing like it always has been, especially this Wednesday, which was the most perfect day ever. She loves Justin and Tommy, and me around Justin and Tommy, and they absolutely love her and us together which has made them make our "bro night" moreso us and her, and Justin's Julie night, which has been amazingly fun. Ive been rocking my work out for quite a few weeks now, I dont seem to be losing as much fat as I wanted, but building lots of muscle and multiple ppl have def noticed, so Ive moved my eating diet around a bit to hopefully help that. hmm...yeah, I dunno, its easier to post when something is happening, but things have just kinda been on a cruise control and I think Im gonna leave it that way. plain and simple...and perfect right now.