Im in a pretty good mood today if I say so myself. This week dragged on rather slowly, but Im to the point I think Im caught up in school finally, and just need to ride the wave to graduation pretty much. Im really glad Justin and Tommy and I are doing the "guys" night every friday now. I say that with quotations as it has become guys + Julie, Julie + whoever Tommy can find night lol. Had a great time last night BS'ing and watching movies and whatnot and then gaming post-Morgan and Julie leaving. We.Dominate.Ninja.Turtles. Pretty much cant wait till next Friday now . Goood times.

I dont really have much else to say.

cept...*smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiile*

Saturday night, I gamed with Tommy/Justin and watched some movies like..all night. So I was not looking forward to a sleepless Easter day. My dad and I golfed at 9:30. It was quite fun, played 18 holes, did pretty good all in all. It was fun. Then went to the families. Lots of talking with my aunts and uncles..my grandma still hasnt really talked to me, dunno what exactly thats about. buut, they wanna meet Julie..and they want to give her a chance, apparently its been long enough they've realized its not what they thought it was. So Im glad thats happening, and they want that to happen pretty much. Im also getting an old dryer and washer my aunt/uncle have laying around they dont want!! So Family Easter went great!

Then Julie came over after I got home . We bs'ed and layed around for quite awhile, then we had steak, stuffing, and mashed potatoes for dinner. It was grand if I may say so myself! Didnt do much after that, well we danced Like always lol, all and all it was a great Easter, Jesus did a fine job!!

Looking forward to a lotta homework and laundry getting done tonight

Ive been writing like crazy lately. I wrote this after my great mood, took a pretty instant dive. About as rapidly as it went from sunny and 80 to cloudy/rainy/cold. I hope I can somehow get out of this mood soon  I dont know that this is the name yet, I dont think I like it.

Rage of the Rain:

How much the weather is my soul,
amidst rays of bliss, the cold wind longs to blow.
The sunny days long the overcast, to remain in the shadow,
behind this dismal grey ceiling, of which we have no control.
On the brightest days, the daunting clouds remain.
A hesitated assailment, ready for the rain.
Like hearing distant thunder on the cloudiest day,
from there it’s in my heart, never far away.
At any moment the imbalance shows itself.
Like any deformity, desiring to be perfected,
on the most beautiful days, it finds an aberration,
a reason to storm, a cause for precipitation.
A manifestation that there needs to be this creation,
that this darkness, this eclipse, this formation,
an uncontrollable roar, is an amicable obligation.
I accept the caliginous fall into overcast.
Its intrusions fast, but it never truly lasts.
I don’t expect the world to live in our petulance,
to embrace the constant rate of change,
nor our abrupt, aberrant presence.
But accept the clouds, the rain, accept our rage,
we are the counter to what you blithely embrace.
For without the rain, you wouldn’t have bright days,
and without the rage, you’d never see the smile on my face.

Today was pretty grand, Im not gonna lie. I slept in quite a bit cuz I couldnt sleep last night, but then I ended up getting to see Julie. We didnt do a whole like normal, but it was great. We chilled here for awhile and then decided to enjoy the grand weather, and I was on my way to Massillon to an Egg Roll stand so she could try her first eggroll in life, when I remembered she had never had Sonic! So we had Sonic and it was sooo gorgeous out today! But it was sooo windy out while we were eating, and I remembered Julie mentioning wanting to fly a kite last time we were at the park, So I began what I thought was going to be a small operation on my part into her happiness.WRONG. Apparently lots of people had that thought today, cuz finding one wasnt so easy..but randomly enough, we found one at Big Lots. I wasnt able to really surprise her, cuz, after like 15 minutes searching my first stop, walmart, I had to just say what we were looking for to ask an employee, they were sold out tho. But we found and purchased her a nice Spider-man one finally an hour later, and while heading down to the park and realizing the amount of trees there, Justin and Tommy showed up at my house! They seem to have finally had a revelation about us hanging out. So we met them and to fly a kite..and NOOOO WIND. ugh..ugh ugh ugh! but oh well..Its here for next time the wind blows! After Julie went home I decided to take the boys up on some basketball, and Burke met us at Mohawk and we did damage! It was a great time and post-sunset we retired to their house and play modern warfare and they had some friends over and we BS'ed and whatnot, Good clean fun!! I think thats gonna start happening more with them.

So I ignored my phone almost the whole day, and, I think it was very win. I didnt wanna deal with the drama of anything, at all, just enjoy the day. It was such a success. Ive recently been realizing how much time I spend on my phone. I have at any given time 4-5 people I constantly txt all day. But I feel like I have too, cuz Im sure to most people, me txting them doesnt seem that bad to send a text every 10ish minutes through the day, but its 10 minutes cuz the other 8 is all txting other people also, so no matter what Im doing, Im txting first, and doing the activity 2nd. Even as Im typing this...It is taking so long cuz Im having conversations with 3 people about why I ignored them all day, and theres a fourth one camping I would be having a conversation with right now if he wasnt camping. Soo, I think thats my next thing to fix..it was suppose to be a one day thing, but now that Ive wasted almost a pure hour of time arguing with people about not txting them today..I need to make txting people all day long the exception, not the rule. And I think from now on, just as a general principle, Im just gonna shut my phone off all together when Im with Julie..Well, maybe just the phone part, cuz its just so badass she cant help but to play with it all time  Shes jealous. Dont let her lie.

Tomorrow is a loooot of homework. I think Tommy and Justin wanna do stuff. Im gonna see if Ryan/Dana wanna do stuff with us in the evening after their dinner, I figured maybe since there will be lots of people it would be better for them to be around Julie and I that way first? But, Im not even really sure if they have any intentions of being around Julie and I so I have to inquire into that tomorrow first. Im hoping *fingers crossed* they will, I kinda wanna hang out with them again pretty bad after Thursday went so well. I guess we shall see what tomorrow brings!! Im excited to do a lotta homework and then have a fun night with either the boys, or the boys +ryan/dana/julie.

This thing is becoming more of a journal than a blog, I should name it..Frankie would be the obvious name, but it just sounds weird..*starts thinking of something*

I had a pretty great time. The day started off pretty rough dealing with shit,
(and I apologize to Morgan who took my last post the wrong way, My point in my last post..was Julie and I having anyone Julie and I can be, well, Julie and I around. We have noone we can go do stuff with, noone to hang out with, noone that wants to even be around her and I as a couple pretty much, not someone being there for either her and I about us individually)
..and then a migraine showed up and i thought it was gonna bloow. But about 90 seconds into Ryan and my's golf outting it was pretty damn good again. Not the headache..that pretty much sucked. But I got my first birdie of my life!! and Its always fun to hang out with Ryan of course, then I had to redeal with some more shit and I kinda was ready to throw in the towel on the night way prematurely. I didnt know how Dana was going to act around me since I hadnt talked to her..nor Ryan and her..nor Morgan after the way the day went..nor anything really..and then I thought I was gonna get to see Julie Friday and found out I couldnt, and it's prolly dumb, but as Morgan and Burke already knew, that ruins my day, Im pretty much just sad and done with anything but my guitar and talking to her on the phone after that, so I was done with the night..and I almost didnt even try to deal with it..but Im glad I did. I had a great time, and it just felt way less awkward for me than it has been for awhile (Im going to assume its cuz now even tho theres more shit to be awkward about...at least Im not lying) and it was just nice. Dana and Ryan were both normal around me, and we laughed a lot on the way to my house and even after we got here BS'ed in the driveway for awhile..it was just nice I guess...Just bcuz Im prepared to lose and give up everyone for Julie doesnt really mean I wanted too.  I still dont quite know what the future holds as far as the four of us together, but Im glad Dana/Ryan and I still seemed to work and be ok, thats a great start as far as Im concerned. Hopefully it will be happening more in the future. Im not so naive as to assume they dont have different opinions of me and Julie and I's relationship when they are in private, but what matters to me is the fact they arent letting it destroy our friendship from the start so that made the day ok in my book I guess..ignorance is bliss right?

Blah, what a hard week..I have to spend a lot of this weekend doing a shit ton of homework..ugh..Is graduation here yet? Im glad this week is wrapping up, its been a damn long one. Does bring me closer to Sunday tho, I did for the first time since they found out about Julie merit an invite to a family event. Actually I think largely in part to my dad doing some heavily explaining of Julie's character and I guess some other things? I dunno. I dunno how its going to go. I wish it was resolved tho cuz I def miss my family, but, they have to accept Julie and I, period. I dont see it going well, I feel like..Ive been so outnumbered lately, and sometimes like I have noone on my team (except for Morgan who still doesnt handle the situation the greatest) and Im fighting everyone alone..that now..I just do what I do best and thats finish the fight. I solve the problem by ending it, Ive been fighting for this for so long and its kinda come down to the point where, its time I systematically end the fights and thats what Im doing, and I hope that doesnt happen Sunday I guess. But I cant help but feel, Ive been backed into a corner, and Ill be damned if Im going to lay there in it taking punches from anyone, so I guess Ill see...

I dont know what my point is..This has just become the best place to rant..This blog always takes my side and its the only thing I have control over anymore. As such, I apologize..but noone will be able to comment on here for awhile, I need at least one place I dont have to fight for awhile.